Today was a rest day and I abandoned my normal diet for the evening.
When ever I do this my mind starts racing with thoughts of failure. I keep thinking about living out the ideal I teach, how if someone was watching me what I imagine they would say about my behaviors. What do my behaviors say to people who are just watching from the outside?
"For two years I wore the route around my neck like a weighted chain. Andy and I both had excuses for not going up again, the same excuses i criticize other for using. It never came into condition, the weather forecast was no good, our work preoccupied us, and the cable car remained closed. We substituted the usual list of rationalizations for laziness and lack of motivation. Neither of us was ready to give what we know the wall was going to take..." This is a quote from Kiss or Kill by Mark Twight. This last part punches me in the face..."Neither of us was ready to give what we know the wall was going to take."
Apparently I am not ready to pay the price yet. I search and search my soul to find the reason why. Why am I not willing to pay the price? What am I afraid of? Why can't I let go?
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